timecat I see. You spend a lot of time undoing what you've done. You spend a lot of time doubting yourself and second guessing yourself.
Even spend a lot of time being critical about what you've been told and taught.
If someone hands me a rusty sword, I would go polish it and use it to capture criminals and collect bounties so that I could buy a sword that I love instead of this piece of s***. It's a long arduous process. But in the end it gets you what you actually want. You sit there and point out all the flaws in the sword instead of taking the same time to upgrade it.
But you simply need three different remedies to become powerful and successful. You're spending all your energy on the wrong things.