Joonatan your inner self and what you want people to see and think about you are in conflict. You will say things that you don't believe. You will do things you do not want to.
This is your greatest opportunity. If we just redirect your internal conflict energy, you can be extremely powerful and successful.
The more you try to make a difference in your life, the more you damage yourself right now. It's like gambling. The more you try to make money, the more you will lose.